'Skywire Safety Video'

All aboard
Last call for boarding Skywire now
Complete your waivers and call your friends

Here at Nitrome Park
Our number one priority’s
Your amusement
(We wish to inform the guests)
(That we don’t care about the rest)
As we disembark
Sit on your hands, lower your heads
Please no movement
(Nitrome cares about you)
(And if we say that, no one will sue)
Come see all the sights
And you can watch animal bots
From a safe distance
(Hands at feet in the car)
(Panda bites will give you scar)
We reach enormous heights
And then we dive straight into lakes
In mere instants
(Lifeguards aren’t gonna help)
(And don’t forget to rate us on Yelp)

We're not responsible
If any passengers
Somehow leave before the car it's stopped
Cause legally
We can’t consider this a ride
So that's on you if you get dropped

Everyone please calm down
I promise that you’re safe
Our attendants are professionals
They learned their stuff
By playing a computer game
From back when they were 10 years old

Safety belts are scarce
There’s only one for every track
So take turns
(Not that they’ll be much help)
(But we gotta cover ourselves)
Careful on the rails
Sometimes they fall straight off the rack
But that’s safer
(‘Cause when it falls off the band)
(The car will break your fall when you land)

10 percent
(Sorry) 9 percent
(No) 6 percent
4 percent
Well, let’s just say it’s a small percent
Anyway
That percent
Of the people who lived
Would recommend us to all their friends

This whole ride
Doesn’t meet proper safety standards
How in the world did this get approved?
Skywire
Falling to your death since ‘07
Everyone gave us that slogan

Side effects may include
Whiplash and nausea
Zoophobia, and death and hives
Anxiety, trust issues
And any combination
Of items in DSM-V

“10 outta 10,” says John,
Our local coroner
And the psych ward says 5 outta 5
So sit right down
Enjoy the ride, and don’t fall off
There’s free t-shirts if you survive!