'Mario Kart Wii Coconut Mall with Lyrics'

Good morning, everybody
Welcome back to MKTV
Today we’ll look at the highlights
Of the racing of this week
There goes Luigi with his kart
Riding his way through mini-marts
Wait, now that you say it out loud,
Why are they in a mall?

They’ve gone through parks, beaches, and falls
But nothing as absurd as malls
That is just a safety hazard
For patrons after all

Alright, calm down, let’s just look at another highlight reel
Here’s a tape from last week where everyone is riding in a field
Here comes Koopa Troopa with a red shell in his hand
He just threw it and now it’s just sliding all across the land

Wow that has gotta hurt, ow!
That shell almost hit that cow!
They gotta learn to be more careful around
Livestock like goats and cows
I see that you are concerned
But no animals were hurt

You’re right let’s go to our next reel

Are those babies in a car?
Matter of fact, I think they are
And was that a bomb that they threw?!
They had a Rainbow Star
There’s Toad making a comeback
LOOK OUT! DON’T FALL OFF OF THE TRACK!
Why are they racing out in space?!
Because air is what they lack!

Just have fun, it’s just a game
HOW CAN I IF THEIR BACKS ARE SPRAINED?!
Since when is this “anything goes”?
It is! Now don’t complain!

Don’t they know not to drive on ice? They could slip off the track
Why is this guy even here? I want my other anchor back
Don’t you know that no one’s been hurt?! just cut them slack
Well excuse me for being concerned if their femurs get cracked!

Death! Injuries! Mental scars
REVOLT AGAINST MARIO KART!
VIVA LA RESISTANCE! SAVE EVERYONE!
That is it! You’re done!
Where is my replacement?!
Is anyone dead yet?!

We really need better announcers