'Blue Scar - 2 - The First Day'

ISAAC: Vi! Vi! It’s almost 6:50! Don’t wanna be late to your first day of Ninth-Grade!

VI: Okay! I’ll be down in a minute!

[Vi runs down the stairs]

ISAAC: 7 minutes, 29 seconds.

MARIETTA: Wow, Vivi. I know you like school, but I have not seen you this excited to start a new year since the year they had a capybara as a class pet.

VI: It’s Ninth-Grade, Dad! I’m finally starting high school! These next few years are gonna have the most impact on my life and future, so of course I’m excited! I can’t wait to see all of my new classes and teachers. I have Mr. Cobbett for history, and I heard he’s really cool! And a new one… Mr. Angelini? Never heard of him.

ISAAC: Well like I say to you every year: You’re gonna rock this grade even better than the last! I’m excited to hear all about your day when you get home. Whoa, 6:48 already! At such an oddly specific time, that must mean your bus should be coming any minute now.

VI: Ah, you’re right! I gotta go! Bye!

ISAAC: Bye! Have fun! Love you! Be sure to tell me every detail!

VI: I will! Love you too!

[VI leaves her house to the bus stop. She enters the bus and Leenie waves her down in the back seat]

LEENIE: Hey, Vivi! Over here! I’m in one of those seats they call a two-seater but can really only hold you and your backpack if you’re lucky!

LEENIE: Man, I can’t believe it’s September already. Wasn’t it just July? Didn’t we just escape the grip of Mrs. Smith’s terrible science class yesterday?

VI: Yeah, summer’s gone by really fast this year. Maybe our excitement for school made it go by faster.

LEENIE: Yeah I know that’s definitely not true. I can see you haven’t changed a bit over the summer. Only thing I’ve been excited for is the hour-long lunch. Hey, by the way, could I see your schedule again?

LEENIE: Wow, it’s still awesome that we’ve got like every class together! I’ll be sure to sit next to you so I can have someone to cheat off of.

[DYLAN leans over his bus seat]

DYLAN: Ah, that’s right! You guys got Trenelli! You’re gonna have a great time in that class; he’s the best! He reminds me of me.

LEENIE: Dylan, you’ve swiped my schedule from me like seven times since I got it, and you’ve always said that exact same thing.

LEENIE: Yeah, and it hasn’t gotten any less true; he is in fact the best. [turns to Vi] Oh hi, Leen’s friend. Nice to see you again, like I haven’t seen you invading our house enough times over the summer. Ah, wait, I know I know, I’m just drawing a blank… Vee, right?

VI: No, Vi, you spelled it wrong.

DYLAN: Ah, that’s right! Man, I’m terrible with names.

LEENIE: Maybe your hair dye is seeping into your head and destroying your brain cells.

DYLAN: That can’t happen, I took biology. …Wait, can it?

LEENIE: [ignoring Dylan] I’m not ready for this year. This is the first year where my grades actually matter! I don’t wanna wind up on the street in the future having to sell bootleg microwaves just to pay the rent for my deluxe cardboard box that I rented from some guy in a white van!

VI: Why am I not surprised you’ve planned your failed future more than your successful one? But you shouldn’t be scared. You should never be scared in school. Everyone there is going to be there to help you.

DYLAN: Yeah, except for Mrs. Franco. She’s gonna make you work in that class! But I think she’ll like you, Vi. Really, she only hates the students who kept giving her a hard time. …So I have no idea why she hated me so much.

Vi: Did you participate and ask questions?

DYLAN: Yeah, but I guess ‘What kind of name is Capulet?’ was not an appropriate question for Romeo and Juliet. And in retrospect, I probably should have read it then. Maybe the explanation for Romeo’s name was somewhere in it.

Leenie: Romeo was a Montague, it was Juliet who was a Capulet.

DYLAN: Stop teaching me. I don’t want school to start until the actual school starts! [bus pulls up] Dang it!

VI: Hey, who’s that guy lugging in a giant pink robot, seven vats of pasta salad, and a mechanical claw arm?

DYLAN: Isn’t that Pasta Joe, the guy who delivers pasta salad to every student on the first day of school?

LEENIE: No, that’s the guy from your weekly anxiety dreams.

DYLAN: Sure doesn’t feel like he’s from a dream.

VI: He sorta looks like that mountain in Glamville.

LEENIE: That’s what you say about everybody.

[cut to Derek and LunchRush]

DEREK: This is it, LunchRush! Our first day on the job! Did you prepare the celebratory pasta salad?

LUNCHRUSH: All 100 gallons, one for each student.

DEREK: Wonderful! I can’t imagine anybody wanting any less than that! This is gonna be awesome!

LUNCRUSH: Attention. Children at 8-o’clock.

DEREK: I know my schedule, man: children at 8-o’clock, hostage negotiation at 4, bridge game at 7, bridge explosion at 9—Oh no, you meant literal children and figurative clock-hand positions! I wasn’t prepared for this! Er, greetings, younglings! What can I do for y’all?

DYLAN: We were just rambling and ambling about and noticed you were struggling with all that pasta salad and heavy weaponry.

DEREK: Ah yes, well, this is just a celebratory first day of school thing. Every one of my new students gets their own vat and a free ray gun of their choice.

LEENIE: Can I have the one labelled DevilDeath666?!

DEREK: Knock yourself out, kid.

LEENIE: Yay!

VI: So you’re a teacher here?

DEREK: You betcha! Blue Scar Angelini, ninth grade cooking!

LUNCHRUSH: Earth science.

DEREK: Ninth grade earth science. This is my teaching assistant, LunchRush 1200. Can make any meal you desire, as long as you don’t desire something edible.

LUNCHRUSH: Greetings.

Vi: So you’re… Angelini, comma, D. on my schedule? Period 7?

DEREK: Yes! Filling in for the last teacher here who left. Courtney, I think was her name? Fine teacher, I’ve heard. Not very good with electricity though.

VI: Well, it’s really nice to meet you, Mr. Angelini!

LEENIE: Same here! I’m so excited to use this ray gun thingy!

DEREK: Don’t get too excited, the thing takes AAA batteries.

Leenie: [groans in irritation and throws the gun away]

[bell rings]

DEREK: Sounds like your bell, kiddos. Wouldn’t wanna be late to your first class of the day. And here, take some pasta salad for the road.

DYLAN, LEENIE, and VI: Thanks, sir!

[DYLAN, LEENIE, and VI leave]

DEREK: Nice kids.

LUNCHRUSH: Very tender and mild.

DEREK: They’re so kind and valuable, they’re gonna grow up to be perfect hostages one day. Ah crap, that reminds me. Can you switch my 7-o’clock and 9-o’clock? I want to get the TNT hooked up first so I don’t have to rush the game. Agent 12 and Captain Kohlberg are coming over, and we’re playing for the secret explosive deactivation codes.